tuesday i was unnerved. it started small – with a reminder from and an uneasiness about people and the surprising ways they turn on others. it grew as i re-read my recents posts of the last few days, an ache in my heart. it grew even larger as we read news articles and studied sites of information. it grew as i watched youtube videos and read fact-checked information.

“these moments left me feeling worried and afraid, realizing what we stood to lose and how easily it could happen.” (*michelle obama – the light we carry)

at the end of the day, i was cranky at david who was cranky back and i wanted to scream … at something, at someone.

i didn’t scream. instead, i wept.

i had lost the day – this beautiful, humid, hot summer day – the only one i would get on july 9th 2024. “but, but…,” my brain interrupts, wanting to justify the loss.

and – in every critical-thinking way, i would agree with my brain – there is so much that is ugly and we have much to lose in this hot mess of a country. it could easily happen. and i am worried and afraid.

in a life-way though? i know i lost the day. all of it. and in the usual good rhythm of our time together, we had lost our day together.

the tide comes in. the tide goes out. it is certain.

and so, we try to deliberately hyper-focus on here and now. we try to focus on our breathing. we try to hold hands and walk slow.

we also try to do the best we can to be aware, to educate ourselves, to speak up and speak out, to ask questions, to try and understand what is happening, what could happen – differentiate between what is real and what is fictitious, what is terrifying potential and what is propagandized narrative.

i am worried and afraid.

and the tide comes in. and the tide goes out. that is certain.

*****

(*though that is not the context of michelle’s words in the above quote, their relevance struck me as i began to read her book today.)

read DAVID’S thoughts this D.R. THURSDAY

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